Being Self-Loving does not mean insecurity disappears
By Shannon, AOB
I used to believe that the word insecure was a death sentence for girls growing up. To be seen in this regard was the easiest way to be devalued.
This word ‘insecure’ was associated with how you were perceived in relationships. Being called insecure in relation to others was an assumption that they lacked self-love or control. In my formative years I often made connections that feeling insecure meant you’re “damaged goods” and will result in being shunned. It was confirmed when seeing the impacts of others being called insecure were met with intense judgement and shame.
Looking back, I felt the long term effects that result from downplaying the harm that it can cause. The word insecurity was easily weaponized as a way to impact someone’s view of themselves and discredit their experiences; their own inner knowing. This understanding of insecurity in this definition distorted the view of our value and the ability of being seen or heard authentically.
Over time, insecurity was internalized as a negative feeling that I wanted to avoid at all costs. Yet, what got me was how we rarely interrogate its meaning until new experiences gave me the capacity to build a deeper understanding.
Working in education, my thoughts around the term insecurity had evolved into acknowledgment of a person’s lived experience, condition, or need (e.g. food insecurity, housing insecurity). Insecurity no longer became a word to weaponize or associate with shame—it was met with openness, acceptance, and a hope for something beyond our conditions.
Embarking on my self-love journey years before offered a space to explore without falling into the pit of judgement. This is vital to understanding the complexities of my own relationship with insecurity.
Even in a state of being self-loving, insecurity can still find its way of being present.
Feeling insecure at this time of my life, was in connection to where my life was currently sitting in the perspective of who i was and who i wanted to be.
With Self-love keeping my head high, feeling unfulfilled in my career yet aligned but not wanting to be seen in my new business kept my spirits low.
Insecurity with self-love in this chapter of my life offered a foundation to externalize and assess rather than to ruminate and internalize.
insecurity became a tool to expand how my material conditions and social conditioning impacts and reflected
Experiencing insecurity while knowing my wholeness allowed me to accept that these life changes may be new, but it’s nothing that I cannot tackle. It gave me a sense of discernment when my mind was tapping into what I knew about myself and trusting that there are qualified community members present to guide my growth to be a leader in flow calmed the energy of being insecure and allowed me to feel secure in what I have to offer.
Insecurity is not an incurable disease, it’s shadows of us that need to be brought into light. It becomes a signal in our body to love ourselves more in that moment.
My self-love expanded when I remembered that Insecurity is a feeling, and while it is a complex one, feelings are not fact. They are data points.
Insecurity can work as a mirror if I allowed it to be what it was:
A data point. A data point that needed more compassion and understanding.
It is not intended to be ignored but tended to.
